You Can Indeed Die of Boredom

Silverwing found herself lazily stretched out in the nursery, her never ending growing stomach stuck out painfully from her once slender sides. Narrowing her gaze she glared down at the round bugle,
"Stupid kits." she growled angrily, she had been royally pissed off when she had discovered she were to give birth to helpless, annoying kits. But what bothered her most was who the father was.

No, wait that didn't bother her that much, scratch that. What bothered her was that his reaction was quite hurtful. It was surprising, you could give him that. But to choke, while screeching 'OH STARCLAN NO' wasn't what she was hoping for.

Angrily she dug her long-hooked claws into the dirt covered floor of the nursery, the only place that seemed to be free of snow. Sighing she decided she needed something to keep her from, her soon to be death. Gazing around she decided she'd go find someone, or at least something to talk to.

As she exited the nursery she, to her disappointment, saw no one. No one at all and this angered her greatly. Not even that stupid, Hawkstreak showed his ugly face. You mean the ugly face that's the father of your kits? She wanted to mentally smack herself for that one.

As she continued onwards she found herself padding towards the elder's den, because for one there was at least someone always there. As she entered the area she began to inspect it with her pale green gaze.

It was a hide away area, made specially by Starclan for the retired cats of her clan. It was comforting in an odd way and often made her feel safe. It was much freer then the nursery and more gentle then the warrior's den. Blinking she decided instead of finding someone she'd have them come to her.

Sitting down she let out a loud call,
"Good Morning Elders of Shadowclan, I'm here to..." she paused and thought of something to say, "Verbally abuse you..." She finished quite awkwardly. Great, just real great Silverwing.

BROKENW¡NG
do you even remember how to fly?

It had been a couple of moons since she had joined the elder's, and through those moons she had grown accustom to the cats she was sleeping next too. The warriors den seemed like a bad dream now, a place where she had slept in the cold and abandoned, apart from her fellow Clan mates because at that time she had been clearly ignored. She was comfortable with the grumpy elders that she shared her time with, and their influence had affected her. She didn't see it as a negative, though there were clearly some things about her that were touched by them. Her playful grumpiness was a show that she had been around them too much. There was one thing that she avoided getting from them, and that was out of shape. She was always pawing around camp, and sometimes she was allowed outside to play around the marshes when the medicine cat allowed.

"Good morning, Silverwing. I'm hoping that you won't do much harm," Brokenwing grinned, her green eyes slipping over the woman that stood before them. A strong warrior. "You aren't going to make fun of all of us, are you? Certainly you do enough of that to the normal warriors." The much gentler woman purred in amusement.

The youngest elder did not rise upon her haunches, but instead stayed lying down. Her head was perked now, earlier it had been nestled in her front paws in a doze. Not that Silverwing had woken her up, she had been on the verge of falling asleep again by the time that the woman had walked into the door. Now she was at full attention, eyelids kept opened except for blinking, as she waited for the response from the warrior.

(ooc: Blaah)[/size]

Silverwing narrowed her eyes at the she-cat as she spoke, although the whole time there happened to be a small smile jutting from Silverwing's lips. Whiskers twitching she brought her long-thin tail around her white tinged paws.

"Ah, Brokenwing." Pausing she raised her brows and added, "I'm sure strong cats like you could handle a few blows from my barbed tongue, eh?" But as Brokenwing continued onwards with her talk she mentioned Silverwing's love of abusing any cat she crossed paths with. But Brokenwing was a different story, Silverwing actually felt sorry for the tattered she-cat.

"True, true. But what can I say? I enjoy torturing the souls of others." Silverwing mused jokingly. Her eyes glittered in the pale morning light, while a grin spread across her tabby streaked muzzle. Maybe this won't turn out to be too bad of an day.

BROKENW¡NG
do you even remember how to fly?

Brokenwing chuckled, an almost shy smile touching her face as Silverwing spoke. She exchanged words with warriors, apprentices, kits, and elders all of the time. There were few occasions where she had spoken to the leader or the deputy, most of those encounters when she had her leg. But, despite her social activity, her self confidence wavered. She was never completely comfortable around anyone, not even the elders who she shared her den with. She was always waiting for someone to scoff at her, to turn their backs on her like Leafstorm.


"I might be able to tolerate you, Silverwing, but the other elders might try to rip off your nose," she joked warmly. "Unless they make you experience a headache first. Their scoldings might do that." Her gaze slipped back to the other lumps of bodies around the elder's den, but none of them made a note of them begin there. The two young females were left to chat alone, the aged leaning against the ground to catch some warm sleep in the spell of heat that leaf-bare had brought them.

Brokenwing brought her gaze back to the waiting warrior, and gave another loose laugh when Silverwing commented on hurting souls. "Oh, but you must let their souls repair before you torture them again. Can't have them wearing out and fading on you, right?" The woman thought of her place in the Clan. Was she just fading away? She wasn't even close to elder age, how was she going to live the rest of her life in this blasted den. "Why aren't you resting anyway, Silverwing? Surely you want to make sure that you aren't running around when you're going to have your kits." Brokenwing advised this with a curious little smile on her face.[/size]

"I'm sure I can protect myself, if anything I'll offer them a mouse and they'll be quiet." she meowed teasingly. While her eyes seemed to dance with the trill of laughter that sounded soon after. "Hm, I suffered more headaches in the nursery from the queens endless chatter, and the squeals of kits."

Pausing she smiled, "Being scolded sounds much more pleasant actually, it'll make me feel as if I'm still the same cat." Her words had grown quiet as she neared the closure of her words. She was depressed on the inside although moments ago she had been chuckling, she had never wanted to be a queen. Never.

A gentle breeze seemed as if it were made to break her from her trance, jerking her head upwards once more, she was able to catch the end of Brokenwing's words. Quickly she put it together and responded as if she had been listening the whole time.

"Ah, but where's the fun in that?" she whined jokingly, of course she backed off on her teasing. At least for a bit, she wasn't going to bully someone into insanity. At the comment of her soon to be born kits, Silverwing grew stiff.

At once her gaze locked with the floor,
"I--was growing bored, and I already have rested for many days now." pausing she gazed upwards her eyes seemed to hold many feelings, despair, guilt, hurt, and anger. Looking away she muttered, "If anything it'll hurt me more then the kits."

It already has hurt her more then she cold imagine, it took away her life. It drained her of her personality, and it made her useless. Oh these kits had succeeded well.

BROKENW¡NG
do you even remember how to fly?

Brokenwing, earlier dismissing the topic, did not comment on the words that were spent through the other she-cat's mouth. She simply did not want to revisit it so quickly after departing from it. So, instead, she carefully guided the pain in her soul away from her immediate thought process. It was not hard, and surely it pulled her away form her consciousness for a second. She just needed to be as optomistic and poliet as she always was. The image that she had created so perfectly could not be ruined because she wanted to make sure that another cat's kittens would be well. She could save something like that to when she had children, if they would ever happen. If someone would ever take her on as their mate, being the cripple that she was.

"Maybe the fresh air will help soothe your mind," Brokenwing said with a pleasent hint of motherlyness in her voice. "Anyone can see on your face how stressed you are getting because of the children. A mother must be healthy to support her offspring. So I'm going to make sure that you stay in tip-top shape, which will help me keep from becoming a lazy elder as well. This is a win-win situation if I ever saw one."

Brokenwing's face had formed into a very wide and carefree grin. She wanted to make sure that her and Silverwing were still on good terms after the little things that she had said to her. They were indirectly indicating to the young woman what she wanted to say openly, but the elder was very aware that what she had whispered had gotten through. It was silly of her to think that she could've covered up the obvious meaning of her message with pitifully constructed barriers. She wanted to apologize to Silverwing for the insolence with which she treated her, but restrained. The mistake was passed, the topic was becoming slowly forgotten to the air, she needed to continue forward.

"I? Lead? I've never heard of such a strange concept, though I'd love too," Brokenwing was genuinely amazed that someone had given her the chance to carry out where they would be going. Since her broken leg she had been the one that was following everyone around, though it seemed that that was also the case when she had her leg. Reflecting on the past only for a brief second, a just as momentary frown took the place on her lips. She hoped to never become like that again. She had to get rid of the fear and replace it with hope.

She moved out of the camp with an ease that she had not felt before. She did not look to the medicine cat's cave for assitance or the ability to escape. She did not need that, and the medicine cat would understand. She was departing from camp with a pregnant queen, they would not go far, they couldn't go far. Someone so carried down with emotions and the lives of others in her stomach, Silverwing, and the hobbler of the Clan who tried her best, Brokenwing, were the 'wing duo who weren't looking forward to anything in their lives at this point in time. Perhaps if time could've stopped before these incidents everything would've been better for them. Perhaps.

"Does Silverwing have any place she wishes to go the most?"
[/size]

<sup>Guilt tugged at Silverwing's stomach, she knew she shouldn't have acted that way. Here she was going on about how horrible it was to have kits. In front of a she-cat who could never be what she wanted to be, and if she could, no one would help her. Biting the bottom of her lips she found herself meowing,

"I-- I'm going to care for my kits, but I'm just-scared." Her voice quavered as she spoke, she didn't want to admit it. She hated kits, yes. But she didn't want to fail as a mother, she just wanted to veer far from that path of life. She was always frightened if she'd end up like her family.

Her family was caring, absolutely. But when she lost them she felt horrible pain, and what if her kits lost her? She never wanted anyone to care for her, that's why she had grown so cold. She didn't want to hurt anyone that way.

"I-know the kits will make me proud..." she meowed, her voice drifted away, she wanted to say more but the words stuck to her throat. "I..just-the kits won't like me." she finished quickly, gazing away she felt ashamed for admitting such things. Such stupid things.

As soon as the she-cat meowed something about going for a walk Silverwing's ears perked up at once,
"Yes." she meowed quite abruptly, "I'm looking forward to getting out of camp." Standing up herself she meowed casually,
"You can lead."</sup>

BROKENW¡NG
do you even remember how to fly?

Brokenwing, earlier dismissing the topic, did not comment on the words that were spent through the other she-cat's mouth. She simply did not want to revisit it so quickly after departing from it. So, instead, she carefully guided the pain in her soul away from her immediate thought process. It was not hard, and surely it pulled her away form her consciousness for a second. She just needed to be as optomistic and poliet as she always was. The image that she had created so perfectly could not be ruined because she wanted to make sure that another cat's kittens would be well. She could save something like that to when she had children, if they would ever happen. If someone would ever take her on as their mate, being the cripple that she was.

"Maybe the fresh air will help soothe your mind," Brokenwing said with a pleasent hint of motherlyness in her voice. "Anyone can see on your face how stressed you are getting because of the children. A mother must be healthy to support her offspring. So I'm going to make sure that you stay in tip-top shape, which will help me keep from becoming a lazy elder as well. This is a win-win situation if I ever saw one."

Brokenwing's face had formed into a very wide and carefree grin. She wanted to make sure that her and Silverwing were still on good terms after the little things that she had said to her. They were indirectly indicating to the young woman what she wanted to say openly, but the elder was very aware that what she had whispered had gotten through. It was silly of her to think that she could've covered up the obvious meaning of her message with pitifully constructed barriers. She wanted to apologize to Silverwing for the insolence with which she treated her, but restrained. The mistake was passed, the topic was becoming slowly forgotten to the air, she needed to continue forward.

"I? Lead? I've never heard of such a strange concept, though I'd love too," Brokenwing was genuinely amazed that someone had given her the chance to carry out where they would be going. Since her broken leg she had been the one that was following everyone around, though it seemed that that was also the case when she had her leg. Reflecting on the past only for a brief second, a just as momentary frown took the place on her lips. She hoped to never become like that again. She had to get rid of the fear and replace it with hope.

She moved out of the camp with an ease that she had not felt before. She did not look to the medicine cat's cave for assitance or the ability to escape. She did not need that, and the medicine cat would understand. She was departing from camp with a pregnant queen, they would not go far, they couldn't go far. Someone so carried down with emotions and the lives of others in her stomach, Silverwing, and the hobbler of the Clan who tried her best, Brokenwing, were the 'wing duo who weren't looking forward to anything in their lives at this point in time. Perhaps if time could've stopped before these incidents everything would've been better for them. Perhaps.

"Does Silverwing have any place she wishes to go the most?"

(ooc: Ugh, sorry. I edited one of my early posts on accident. -headdesk- So don't be alarmed when you see two of these posts. xD)[/size]

Silverwing sighed as the she-cat rambled on and on, and what was she meowing about? Nothing but the health and care for her soon to be kits, like she stated before. She wanted desperately to be a mother that her kits could look up to, but she wasn't all sunshine and rainbows about it either.
"Ah yes, fresh air should do me some good." Pausing she stretched out her hind legs, one at a time until she could feel a tingling sensation run up her spine. "I could also use a good run."

The silver coated she-cat had found her lips curling up into a small smile as Brokenwing looked utterly surprised at her gesture of the broken she-cat leading their small, but beneficial patrol. Letting out a small purr Silverwing mused,

"Your in much better shape then I am. Even with that leg of yours, I'd prefer having a fit cat lead our patrol then a fat, lazy queen."

Following the she-cat out of the secluded area of ferns and retired warriors, Silverwing found herself remembering the days of her youth. When she was a kit, when she had two sisters and a caring mother. But as she thought of all of the troubles she had found her mind drifting off into thoughts about her father. She didn't even know if that dirt-bag was still alive.

She prayed to starclan that he wasn't. She still wanted revenge desperately, he was the one that had torn her family apart. He was the one that left blood on the nursery floor that night. Shaking her head she continued padding after the she-cat and halted when they reached the camp's exit.

Blinking at Brokenwing's word's she tilted her head to the side in thought, she was going to let Brokenwing choose, but suddenly a quiet walk down to the lake sounded absolutely wonderful.

"We could head down to the lake, I suppose." She meowed, as her voice trailed off into the wind, blinking she added, "That is if it's fine with you."

BROKENW¡NG
do you even remember how to fly?

Brokenwing felt a rush of amusement flicker into her gaze as Silverwing commented on her own appearance. "Oh, Silverwing, you are not fat. Just pleasantly plump," she teased the woman with an air that exuded diamonds of carefree feelings. She had departed from her short, though annoying lecture that she had earlier been projecting onto the woman before her. She hadn't wanted to make Silverwing uncomfortable or annoyed with her, that was definitely not something that she'd want anyone to feel against her. Yet, she was in the Clan of Shadows. She seemed now-a-days as though she should be living in a much more cheerful Clan, perhaps those of Thunder. She did not suit the sardonic and bitter shadows any longer, though she felt an attachment to them. She would never leave her Clan, even if she had been given the choice. They accepted her and her missing leg, she did not wish to risk it at another place.

At the suggestion that they flee to the sweet shore of the lake, one which would be cooler then the rest of the area considering its area, Brokenwing almost hesitated. She had never liked the harsh weather that presented itself during the leaf-bare months, but she had no wish to deny the queen a place where she'd love to get comfortable. Besides, the snow would be melting down there anyway. It'd be best to get the fresh air while the spell lasted, there was no reason to be waiting until spring if they had time now.

"The lake sounds wonderful," her warm eyes glistened as she purred her enjoyments. "The water lapping at our feet, the sun giving warmth that is nearly unmentionable in the leaf-bare season. I wish it was like this every year. Though that would be unusual..." The young girl trailed off, her eyes flickering their curiosities about the seasons without speaking any longer. She did not want to anger the woman before it, that would just make their trip no fun. Besides, she had this nagging feeling that Silverwing had disliked her in the moments that she had been advising her. Not wanting something like that to happen again, Brokenwing decided to keep her mouth tightly shut until Silverwing approached her with a question. If that was possible.

The she-cat twitched her whiskers at Silverwing before leaning downwards and plunging out of the camp entrance. No one cared that the two of them left, they needed no permission. A walk would do them good, being cooped up in camp all leaf-bare was no fun. She did not see any eyes following them anyway. No one would be able to betray their trust if they wanted to. The elders had been asleep, the nursery queens busy with the kits that were already born. A giggle pursued Brokenwing to bounce a bit as she moved into the pine forest. She wished that she had kits to chase after, to worry about. Her eyes turned back to Silverwing, who would be coming out of the tunnel any moment now (unless she had meanly tricked Brokenwing to depart from camp alone) and wondered just what kind of mother the girl would be.[/size]

ooc:I'll continue this on another board : ) How about under the Pine Forest : D It'll be up soon, and sorry for taking so long to reply x.x