last kiss [open]

Eclipseclaw
you're the reason i'm six feet under
wondering if i'll ever rest in peace

She watched the water churn beneath her feet - for the first time in her life she couldn't hear anything. Her mind was quiet. The thoughts were finally gone. A calmness overcame her. It seemed almost too easy. With one, simple push she could join them. She could hurl herself into the chasm and let the water consume her. It seemed so easy. Eclipseclaw pressed her claws into the cliff-face, gripping it firmly between her toes. The earth was cool beneath her pads. The she-cat lifted her gaze, clear, and brought it to the sky. In the distance a flock of geese soared into the setting sun. The breath she'd been holding left her lips involuntarily, leaving a puff of smoke in it's presence. The air was bitter, crisp. Leaf-bare was only a moon or so away.

A full season has passed and gone. And she was still alone.

This wasn't the first time she found herself teetering over the edge of the gorge. Days after Riverspirit's death she climbed the ridge with haste. Tears flooded her gaze as she pressed herself into the earth. She was so close to jumping. Death was tempting. Death was tempting when you no longer desired to live. Eclipseclaw spent that entire night battling herself. She wasn't terrified of the pain - what could be worse than what she already felt? She wasn't scared of leaving anyone behind - they already left her long ago. But there was something keeping her alive.

The she-cat dipped onto her haunches, letting the crippling grass graze her underbelly. She knew Lightning would never forgive her if she killed herself. She wasn't going to let his sacrifice go to waste. As stupid as it was, he gave his life for her. And worse, she could almost picture Riverspirit's demoralizing stare. She would pick her apart without uttering a word. Eclipseclaw felt a smile tug at the corner of her lips. Riverspirit would make the after-life a literal, living hell. The she-cat tucked her head against her forearms, perhaps just for a little while she could rest.

She knew she wasn't allowed on Windclan territory. Regardless, she doubted any patrol would bother with her. The entire clan knew who she was, or at least they knew who she used to be. Her fur was beyond matted, tangled and snared with twigs - infested with bugs. Scars littered her pelt, it was hard to stay safe when you couldn't care less. And there was a wildness to her eyes. She felt unhinged - there was something inhuman about her - a debilitating sadness.

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border:0px solid #d3c5bb;border-radius:100px;width:480px;background-image:url('http://i.imgur.com/Uz0L3UG.png');background-position:top;b ackground-re peat:no-repeat;background-color:#4d4419;width:456px;background-position:top;background-repeat:no-repeat;padding-top:320p x;padding-bottom:10px;padding-top:315px;] "Flintclaw, do you accept your role as WindClan's new deputy?" Flintclaw straightened up proudly under the gaze of Sunstar, the gazes of his Clan-mates all around him. Then a flash of thunder threatened the happy gathering. "A sign!" Someone cried out, accusingly glaring at the soon-to-be deputy. "No," Flintclaw replied calmly, his voice deep and masculine. "A warning!" "Yes!" replied a dark voice, merging from the nursery. A queen had been corrupted! Her once long, silky fur was matted and bloody, foam invaded her mouth, her eyes were white as snow. A devilish grin was plastered on her face, her sluggish, awkward movements leading her to where he was standing. Suddenly, the rest of the Clan's queens joined her, as well as their kits, ranging from new born to almost apprentice age, all sharing the same fate. They all had rabies! Naturally, the Clan was shaken by the ugly sight, and all cowardly backed away, leaving Flintclaw at the frontline. Face to face with the ravaged queens, he took a step forward. "It ends here." "Oof!" Flintpaw stumbled backwards, losing his footing and tumbling backwards. Frustrated by his clumsiness and lack of self-awareness, he hauled himself up, shaking his dirtied pelt. He had sneaked out of camp to get a small break and enjoy an adored hobby of his: walking. He loved taking walks. And he couldn't do that in camp, now could he? He would look like a total idiot, walking in circles around camp, doing nothing productive. So, since it was a slow day, he slipped into the moor, not only to enjoy the sights and to get some exercise, but also to get lost in his thoughts and dreams. It was his only escape from life, and his only reason to live. He had already prepared an excuse; he was ordered to fetch some cobweb and moss, just in case of wondering patrols. He even dragged along some moss for his trip. And it looked like it had paid off. He was too embarrassed and distracted to know if her vibe about him carelessly thrashing into her was good or bad, but he wasn't worried about that yet. He was worried about playing it off. "Oops! Sorry abo--" It was then he realized he didn't run into a patrol, but a rogue! She didn't look too pretty; she was a black, matted mess and it looked as if there were red underneath her eyes from either exhaustion or depression. She didn't seem to be confused of where she was, and honestly it looked like she knew exactly where she was as if she lived here all her life, carrying the confidence of being in the comfort of someone's home. Bristling up, he hissed, trying to sound threatening but sounding more curious instead, "Who are you? What are you doing in WindClan territory?" words :: 469 tagged :: Eclipseclaw notes :: no

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Eclipseclaw
you're the reason i'm six feet under
wondering if i'll ever rest in peace

And just like that something pulled her in. The she-cat leaped off of her haunches and onto her paws the moment he ran into her. Her narrowed eyes, widened in - fear? What was she afraid of? The she-cat sucked in a few puckered breaths before drawing herself together. He was taller than her, but not by much. His fur was a dark, crimson red, and his build was as average as any windclan tom; thick and well-muscled through the legs and spine. He was young, his muzzle wasn't stained with flecks of gray, and there was a brightness to his eyes. But what puzzled her most was that he was unfamiliar. Eclipseclaw immediately knew that he was windclan, that much was obvious, but his name she couldn't place - let alone his face. For a brief second there was worry painted across her face; worry that her ties were slipping. Although her days as a windclan warrior were over, Eclipseclaw had still been familiar with her former clanmates. Had she finally crossed the point? The point where she was no longer a name on their lips? A name burned on their tongues? She was growing older as her clan was growing younger. New cats were replacing the old. They were forgetting her.

And someday the entirety of windclan will forget her; and someday that little sliver of solace she had will be gone. "Who are you? What are you doing in WindClan territory?" The she-cat swayed on her paws. His words only confirmed her fears. Were the days of Eclipseclaw truly over? The tattered former warrior gave the tom an inquiring glance, her eyes flickering back and forth over his hunching body, "D-do" She cleared her throat; words were foreign on her tongue. When you haven't spoken for so long it was hard to talk. "Do you really not know who I am?" They were quiet words, non-threatening and painful - each syllable dripped with sorrow. Eclipseclaw could feel her bones begin to tremble, and before the tom could offer her any solace she turned on her heel and ran.

Unfortunately she didn't get far. Her legs buckled beneath her and the loner tumbled lifelessly down the hill into a broken mess at it's foot. For a few seconds she laid stunned; unable to comprehend the pounding in her heart and the aching in her heart. And then she pushed herself onto her paws and stumbled blindly through the brush. Her heart drummed in her ears; drowning out the voices in her head. Had they really moved on? She couldn't possibly understand why it hurt so much; why the apprentice's simple question split her in two, but she was only lying to herself.

She knew why. She knew why it hurt so damn much. Because a part of her always thought that she would return. That she'd birth kits and convince Lightning that windclan could be their home. That she would grow old in it's borders and she would be remembered. That no matter what windclan would always be there for her. But she couldn't go back. She couldn't go back like this. Even if they took her back; even if Sunstar welcomed her back, pity resting in her smile - even if - Eclipseclaw didn't feel the tears streak her face, not even when they ran against her tongue, tasting of salt.

Flintpaw's body relaxed as the black stranger replied, taken aback by her stance on his sudden appearance. There was no threat in her breath, only this bitter pain that seemed to drip from her mouth. It was as if he had just announced that her family died or something. What puzzled the red tom more was her actual words. It was as if she expected him to know her, like she was some legend long ago forgotten and had just now found out her legacy had been erased. Before he had any more time to contemplate her mysterious nature or even try to figure out if maybe he did in fact know her, she was sent tumbling to the ground by some unknown force, escaping his view as if she were a dream.

All curiosity and defenses forgotten, worry replaced his thoughts as he leaped after her, finding her easily. She hadn't fallen far, and had already recovered, although 'recovered' wasn't necessarily a word that fitted the predicament that seemed to have fallen on her. The female was stumbling around as if confused of where she was, and Flintpaw was a little bit worried about even bothering her in this seemingly crazed state of mind. But his concern got the best of him, and while keeping a safe distance, he went back to finding out the true identity of his findings.

Immediately his brain raced back to Tanglejaw's former mentor.

Riverspirit, was it?

Although now dead, he clearly remembered her. The blue-gray warrior had grown sour, and whenever he or any of the other cats (especially Tanglejaw himself) complained about her attitude, her clan-mates would always back her up, justifying with the same old words of "her best friend left the clan" or "she wasn't always like this"
Flintpaw never questioned who this mystery cat was who became a rogue, nor why. He assumed he wouldn't ever get the answers anyway considering how much it burdened the gray warrior. Besides, it obviously didn't occur in his generation, therefore it wasn't really any of his business. But maybe, he had just found the missing link without even digging.

Edging closer, he touched the corner of the rogue's vision, trying to safely gather the she-cat's attention. Cautiously he asked, "Are you...Riverspirit's friend?"

Eclipseclaw
you're the reason i'm six feet under
wondering if i'll ever rest in peace

Riverspirit - Hearing her name cut ribbons through her heart - it shred through her fur and into her veins. The she-cat sucked in a harsh, labored breath, her eyes trained on the wilting moorland. For a mid green-leaf day, the land was oddly gray. It was dead, dying around her. For a second the she-cat snorted, lightly albeit, at the irony. The moorlands were dying as she continued to thrive - against all odds, she continued to thrive. Slowly, Eclispeclaw turned her attention toward the curious apprentice, her eyes were thick with tears, threatening to spill over the basin and thread through her cheeks. The ex-warrior narrowed her eyes, the red-colored tom seemed genuinely concerned. It wasn't just morbid curiosity, but perhaps something deeper. "Did you know her?" Finally the black she-cat spoke, her voice hoarse - beyond recognizable on familiar ears. Fortunately enough, Flintpaw wasn't familiar.

But before he could even respond the she-cat was already inching away, her head weaving through the clouds. Riverspirit. They were best friends. Against all odds, they were best friends. Two head-strong stubborn she-cat with an unbreakable bond. Eclipseclaw stopped, her paws rigid in their steps, "She was my best friend." She whispered, just loud enough for the apprentice to hear. "But I had to leave the clan." She turned to face him, tears streaming down her face, "My mate-" The words choked out of her like gun-shots, "He was a rogue, he was uncomfortable around my clanmates. He didn't fit in."

"So I left." The she-cat turned away, her nose pointed toward high stones, and left a ragged breath leave her maw. A cool, tumbling breeze, replied. It ran along her face and brushed past her sides. Eclipseclaw closed her eyes, letting the memories pool around her until she could hardly breathe - she was drowning. "I left everything I knew for him." Her words were stronger this time, "Including Riverspirit." And it was her biggest regret. Lightning was everything she had ever wanted - someone who cared and doted on her. Someone that looked at her and didn't see a complete monster. He thought the world of her and she thought the same of him. The she-cat loved that he was barely intolerable when he was trying to sleep. She loved his violent outbursts and his short fuse. She loved that he hated everyone else just as she hated them.

She loved that he loved her and only her.

But unlike Lightning, she did have someone else in her life. Her best friend. Eclipseclaw had a best friend her understood her better than anyone else. She had a friend who was with her since her apprenticeship. Someone who put up with her shit from the beginning and instead of doing the reasonable thing - instead of staying with her clan, where she belonged - instead of staying with the one person who was able to handle her even on her worst - she chose the cat that made her heart stop. The cat that boiled her blood, rosed her cheeks, and curled her tongue. She chose love.

And she regretted it.

because losing Lightning broke her in two.

because losing Riverspirit sealed the deal.

because she was never going to be happy again, she was sure of it.

"She really missed you, you know."

It was an untold story beyond his lifetime. A story that unraveled before he was born, destined to spiral down to a dark ending that even the bitter she-cat would have never imagined. It was a story that made him realize others misfortunes, become acutely aware of other life besides his own, and made him really think about his own life choices and how he could learn from others' mistakes so his life doesn't end up in some unseen disaster. Unless, of course, it was really all some game that no matter what, will play out the same way no matter how you live it. Flintpaw wasn't too sure if that was the case for this poor fool, but it sure made things a little brighter if he thought it did.

Although the name Lightning didn't particularly ring any bells, it didn't really matter at this point considering he was apparently deceased. The poor rogue, on the other hand, still harbored attention to a now unimportant cat long gone, and she was a wreck. Understandably so. Flintpaw didn't have a knack for attention or social life, but it seemed from what he was informed from her that she didn't care for it either, but to both of them it was at least nice to be loved and have someone there. He couldn't imagine being utterly alone, regrets and memories pushing down on his rib cage, threatening to steal away the air out of his lungs. He wanted to help. Give some sort of relief to the suffering. But without bringing out the 'monster' in her he didn't know.

But he had a feeling patience was going to be his friend.

"Riverspirit. I didn't know her too well, but she was my den-mate's mentor. She turned bitter after you left. I don't think she ever got over you." Flintpaw informed her carefully, taking a gentle step forward, slowly edging his way closer. He didn't know if he was hurting her, helping her, or both, but either way she might as well have some sort of update on her best friend considering it had been moons since she last saw her. He opened his mouth again, but then snapped it shut. He was about to suggest going back to WindClan, knowing his leader's kind heart. He couldn't imagine Sunstar turning down an old friend. But somehow even the breath of those words tasted like poison to his tongue, as if warning him that she obviously would have considered it by now, and had feared turning back to her family so much that she would rather live a life of solitude and depression.

Flintpaw took in a hesitant breath. He might as well start this process casual. He beamed a little, raising his tail and hopping forward. "I'm Flintpaw, by the way. But no one wanted to stir Riverspirit in mentioning yours. So what do they call you?"

Eclipseclaw
you're the reason i'm six feet under
wondering if i'll ever rest in peace

"She really missed you, you know." That hurt. Hearing that, hurt. Eclipseclaw was never a hundred percent satisfied with her decision. Leaving a clan wasn't an easy task. You don't wake up one day feeling any less a Windclan cat. It's in your blood. Her parents, her brothers, her friends, her mentors - everyone she knew and loved had Windclan blood cursing through their veins - and she had to decide - loyalty or love? And they were so entirely different. "I don't think she ever got over you." But they both broke her heart.

The she-cat closed her eyes, scrunching them together until it hurt, "She should have just moved on." Her words were hot, "She should have lived her life and...and" Eclipseclaw trailed off, her eyes tight against her skull, her claws in the earth, her tin, frail body shaking, and then she spoke, softly, quietly, "Forgetting me would have been easier." And like a switch, she was off. The anger was gone. She grew still, ghastly silent, empty. She opened her eyes and her sockets looked hollow. Eclipseclaw cast the tom one forlorn glance before pushing up onto her skin tight legs. "I'm going to leave now." She announced curtly. "I'm Flintpaw, by the way. But no one wanted to stir Riverspirit in mentioning yours. So what do they call you?"

She froze, her paw risen in mid step, the she-cat cocked her head over her shoulder and gave the tom a blank stare, "It doesn't matter. Now that I'm dead." She turned back around and before her paw could reach the spongy moor-land she collapsed. The lack of food, water, and physical exertion had finally took it's toll. Eclipseclaw hit the ground with an empty thud. Her body spilled in an elongated, twisted arch. Her neck strained up, toward the sky, her tongue lulling from her aching, parted maws. If it weren't for the slight rise and fall of her chest, the apprentice would have presumed she was dead.

As she slept the she-cat found herself bathed in darkness. But in her ears she could hear their voices - Riverspirt and Lightning - both telling her to go home. Come home. Come Home. They whispered over and over again. Make your nest and coil around yourself until your nose hits your toes. And then dream. Dream about home. God home. Come home.

But she didn't know if they meant her home out beyond the moor. The home where Lightning's blood stained the dirt under her feet or the home where she didn't have a best friend. The home where everyone hates her and thought she was a monster.

Come home.