Dear Starclan, {Lightning}

ECLIPSECLAW
Just memories of the past.

What am I doing? The snow was cold, the air stung her eyes and yet here she was trudging through the snow towards the last tom she ever wanted to see. It was here before the battle she had met him, somehow or another she assumed his den was around here. Alert she kept all of her senses on the look-out for the tabby tom. She hadn't been asked to go to the gathering, and she had slipped out of the den. Not even Riverspirit had seen her escape.

As the bubbling stream came into view she was surprised to still see water flowing freely. How peculiar. She wasn't Riverclan but she was sure the River would be frozen by now. Curiously she went to go take a look, as she neared closer it was made clear that there was indeed ice. Prodding the the glossy surface she tried to pinpoint the 'bubbling' sound. Ah, found it.

Near the middle of the stream there wasn't a trace of ice, just a black abyss of churning water. Curious as ever she wondered if fish still swam in such cold water. Well duh, idiot. They can't live on land. Mentally hitting herself, Eclipseclaw tried to ignore the urge to go and see if there were indeed fish.

The feeling was too much, ignoring the anxiety in her stomach Eclipseclaw approached the river. The ice seemed sturdy enough, gently she placed a paw atop the surface. Nothing. Another paw was set upon the ice, and soon enough she was balanced upon the slippery surface. Cautiously she padded forward, her eyes hungrily following the flow of water.

Gazing downward she was disappointed to see that not a single fish was in sight. All thoughts of Lightning had vanished, it was only her and the stream. Tentatively she dabbed the water with her paw--CRACK! The she-cat fell straight through the ice and into the chilly water. With a screech she felt herself being pulled under, the water wouldn't let her go. A sudden realization of horror overcame her as she was hurled beneath the ice. She was trapped. Dear Starclan, I'm sorry for trying to kill Spiritpaw, I'm sorry for being so rude to everyone else, I'm sorry for disobeying, and I'm sorry for falling in love with a rouge.

Everything went black.

Lightning gazed upon the black form that lay in front of him. If it hadn't been for the shallow breathing he would have thought her dead; gone forever. The she-cat who had stolen his heart without him knowing until know.

The sun was rising, the predawn light barely lit the den. Eclipseclaw had been out all night. The Clan would be looking for her and if they found her with him, oh there would trouble. But Lightning knew he couldn't bare to see her drown right in front of him.

The frightening moments played in his head once again...

The gray tabby had been returning from hunting. Tonight was the night of a gathering, hunting would be easy. Or as easy as it could be in leaf-bare. The only thing the old tom held in his mouth was a small scrawny mouse. It was hardly worth eating, but in this hard time it was welcomed with open paws.

Coming open his temporary den, Lightning saw a sight he had not expected. It was Eclipseclaw, standing on the frozen river. The rouge dropped his mouse and looked at her curiously. He was about to call out to her when the ice collapsed under her.

He stood there stunned for a moment. Had that actually happened? Had Eclipseclaw just fallen into the ice? He couldn't move although he tried. Her splashing around slowly dimmed as she was washed down the river. 'Move stupid tom, move! Don't let her die! Don't let her life end! Don't let her die young! Don't let it be like Angel...'

At that he dashed forward. He slipped and slide over the icy sheet and jumped into the water. The ice cold temperature shocked him to the core, but he kicked his legs with all his might as he was swept toward the WindClan warrior. 'Hang on, Eclipseclaw'

The black form was coming closer and closer. But then she went under and Lightning dived after her. He wasn't going to let her go without a fight. His eyes stung as he opened him, the black and icy water blurred his vision and prevented him from seeing anything. But then he bumped into something and his claws latched onto her fur. He pulled her up and grabbed hold of her scruff. Her added weight dragged them down and Lightning was running out of breath. He kicked with all his might, praying to something he did not believe in. 'StarClan, if there really is a StarClan. Let me save Eclipseclaw for your Clans sake if not for mine.'

Opening his eyes Lightning sighed. He had pulled her to safety and into his den. It had taken him awhile to dry her off. He had put her in his one nest and had surrounded her with some moss he had gathered before the snowfall. Now he was laying next to her, hoping she would open her eyes soon.

"Come on, Eclipseclaw, wake up." he whispered.

ECLIPSECLAW
Just memories of the past.

"Mother why did father leave us." The air was crisp with tension, as the silver she-cat wrapped her tail around her paws. Her mouth opened but the words were muted, incomprehensible, impossible to understand. It was slew of sounds, nothing that someone couldn't possibly decipher. But her mouth continued to move, talking faster faster. Eclipseclaw tilted her head to the side, "Mother--" But the words drained beneath the crack of thunder, Lightning split the sky and for a moment she could only see the distant future. A path lit by the light of the storm grew before her, with each turn a different face shimmered and shone.

As she padded past each familiar face she was told a single word. Riverspirit. "Friends." Stargaze. "Distance." As every face she's ever seen or known was thrown before she kept looking for only one. His. As the path grew narrower she was surprised to see herself grow older and older. Scars scattered her pelt, she became weaker and weaker. Stars began threading between each strand of fur, she could feel the weight of life slowly lifting from her shoulders. The light was gone, the booming of thunder only remained. She hadn't seen his face, why hadn't she seen his face?

"Eclipseclaw?" A soft whisper tickled the back of her ear, a soft smile slipped upon her mouth. She opened her mouth but the words weren't spoken, she tried to turn but she couldn't move. "Eclipseclaw?" Lightning murmured once more, his voice stronger before. The she-cat tried to move, she urged her body to face her love.

"Come on, Eclipseclaw, wake up." Velvet green eyes flickered open, the dawn light shimmered against his pelt. He looked like a cat of Starclan, coming to rescue her from death. Tentatively the she-cat lifted her head up towards his, but an agonizing head-ache stopped her from moving any further. With a groan she slithered back down into her previous position. Her pupils slid upwards, trying to catch any sort of expression from the tom. She wasn't quite sure what to say, she knew what had happened. Eclipseclaw wasn't stupid she could guess what the tom had done.

A soft, "Thanks." left her lips, twitching her whiskers she wasn't surprised that her whole body ached. She had taken quite a dive yesterday, one that she was particularly proud of. Her eyes trailed from his face down to her paws, the fur on her paws--well legs-everywhere was ruffled as if someone had licked her dry. Quite quickly the she-cat's gaze nervously left her paws and traveled back to his face.

The heat rose to her cheeks, embarrassed she looked downwards once more, "You didn't have to dry me off." she meowed shyly, Eclipseclaw couldn't find it in herself to portray her normal cold exterior. This tom had just saved her life, the least she could do was act calmer, more appreciative. Biting her bottom lip, she meowed quietly, "I would've died if you hadn't saved me." Porcelain eyes gazed timidly up at him, "Really, Thank you."

Lightning looked down into the she-cats eyes. Hoping, praying, begging for them to open so he could see her beautiful emerald gaze once more. If she died, he didn't know what he was going to do. He couldn't stand to lose someone he loved again. Just when he was about to give up, her eyes opened, and it felt like a giant weight was lifted off his shoulders. He could breath again.

Her word of thanks rose his spirits and her emerald gaze was locked onto his. He didn't care if she saw the relief in his eyes; the happiness; the love.

Smiling, he meowed "You know, if I didn't dry you off you would have frozen." his attempt of brightening the mood was really quite pitiful, and heat rose to his ears. It had been such a long time since he had felt this way about the she-cat. She made his life worth living again.

"You're welcome, Eclipseclaw. But what were you doing out there?"

ECLIPSECLAW
Just memories of the past.

Feeling a bit more cheerful, and bit less shy Eclipseclaw managed to spew out a few collected words, "Well living as an icicle wouldn't have been so bad." The joke managed to bring a smile to the she-cat's face, but laughter never followed. Everything was sore, she could hardly move without something bothering her. Her toes were numbed by the bitter cold, while her tail felt like a heavy branch tied to her back end. This was definitely the last time she was ever going near water. Although in a few moons the she-cat would most likely contradict herself.

Lightning's question caught her off guard, immediately the heat rushed to her face once more. Her heartbeat drowned out any thought she was two nervous to come up with any plausible excuse. Swallowing a lump in her throat she wildly glanced around, I can't say I was looking for you! Was this love? Not being able to say what you want most? Afraid of any sort of rejection. I hate this.

In the end Eclipseclaw was only able to squeak out a measly reply, "I was trying to fish." The heat intensely rose, embarrassed she quickly added, "Ah-haha-ha. Stupid me, that clearly didn't work." Plastering a rather fake grin across her rosy cheeks, Eclipseclaw tried to look honest. Oh Starclan, he thinks I'm an idiot.

Does this she-cat take me for a mouse-brain? the rouge had to wonder. Eclipseclaw was very flustered, and he could see through her reply. Fishing? Eclipseclaw, you wouldn't place a paw in water! He knew she was lieing to him, but why? He didn't take her as the kind of cat who would do that.

"Come on, Eclipseclaw, you don't seriously take me as a mouse-brain rouge do you? Now tell me the truth, what were you doing out there?"

ECLIPSECLAW
Just memories of the past.

Regret surged through her heart, she wanted so desperately to respond with the truth. She was trapped, there wasn't a thing she could. If only she could tell him her feelings, what was cornered so pitifully inside her heart. Yet is was impossible, he would laugh, ridicule her deepest most secret. He would call her a 'fool', she would be a disappointment in his eyes. Just another brainwashed she-cat, one obsessed over life as a house-wife. Someone not worth fighting with. Ashamed and belittled the she-cat merely rose her face, the same embarrassment had vanished. What was left was a angelic face, carved by Starclan itself speaking nothing but a lie.

"Well, it's not all true I guess." A soft purr rumbled through her throat, "I actually was bored in camp, so I went to go see if the River froze over." Pausing she laughed, "I didn't want to tell you because you would've thought I was stupid." A gentleness, foreign to her usual aggressive nature came over her, "I just like the way the river looks in the Snow."

Closing her eyes she murmured quietly, "It reminds me of my mother, she was white as the snow herself, and as dangerous as the river." A pained look crossed her features, only for a second.

"I miss her." A single tears dribbled down her cheek, sucking in a deep breath she added quietly, "I sometimes wonder if she's proud of me." A choking sob escaped what she was trying to hold back, "Great Starclan, I've made so many mistakes."

Her mother? Lightning had to wonder about it. He still had the feeling she was holding back something. But the way she was acting was not the Eclipseclaw he had come to known. Her she was, telling him something he had never even dreamed of her telling him. Her mother, as white as snow and as dangerous as the river. Closing his eyes, his ears perked. "Eclipseclaw, we all make mistakes..." His head turned to look out the entrance. "Sometimes worse than others." he turned back to the she-cat. "But if someone truly loves you, they are able to see past all those mistakes and be proud of all the good you have done." He looked deep into her eyes, welling with tears. Wiping them away with his tail he went on. "Eclipseclaw, you probably have a ton of cats who are very proud of you; mistakes and all."

ECLIPSECLAW
Just memories of the past.

A bitter laugh managed to escape her lips, choking back another sob she murmured quietly, "But I've made so many, how could a mother as courageous and beautiful as her--" Swallowing she continued, "Be proud of a daughter like me." The words fell softly and willingly. She wasn't scared of admitting what she had done, she was a horrible, horrible cat. As an apprentice Eclipseclaw had purposely broke every rule she could think of just to stand out. She hated, hated being like everyone else so she acted out until it had became her profession. Doing bad was as normal to her as fishing to a Riverclan cat. When it came to doing the right thing she was at loss with herself, it seemed nearly impossible. A task not achievable by her.

As he wiped away her tears she couldn't help but feel her heart swell with too many emotions. A subtle purr rumbled within her throat, it was sudden but not unwelcome. For someone usually disgruntled he had such a way to inspire her, and even more so make her fall deeper in love. It was these words that had caused her to speak, it was these words that finally got her to express what was true.

"Lightning." she murmured quietly, her voice was a mere whisper. Cheeks flushed, she meowed even softer, "I think I'm in love with you."

As Eclipseclaw spoked Lightnings mind whirled with confusing thoughts. This was not the she-cat he had come to know. He was worried about her, if she was hurt some place he couldn't see. He debated on whiter he should help her get back to her camp; but the more he thought on it the more he accepted the clan would probably kill him. They would think he had hurt her, and that was why he would never join them. They didn't understand strangers. They were stuck up and prideful. Yet he couldn't say the same about Eclipseclaw. She was so...so different. She broke the rules the Clans held so highly. She seemed to look for trouble while the clans ran from it. The she-cat was different, and Lightning liked that.

The rouge was seeing a whole other side to the she-cat, the softer more vulnerable side he had always wanted to see. But now that he saw it, he wanted her to be her old, strong self. In her current state, she reminded him to much of Angel. And that was a mistake that could never be made right.

His mind slowly drew back from the thoughts, just in time to hear her say the one thing he would have never expected her to say. 'I think I'm in love with you.' the words swirled in his mind. Love...love...I think I'm in love with you...Lightning... The tom leap back from her out of pure shock. His heart was racing, his mind was full of the first love he had ever had. It was happening all over again. Lightning knew he could never be with Eclipseclaw, but he wanted to so badly. But the fear of the same thing happening with Angel held his mouth shut. The words were on the tip of his tongue. I love you, Eclipseclaw. they were fighting to get out. But he couldn't let them. He couldn't let her experience the pain of being in love with a cat who didn't belong with her... he couldn't.

"E-eclipse...claw..." he choked out. He throat was dry, he couldn't swallow. The tom was at a loss for words. "Y-you can't love me. Wh-what about your Clan?"

ECLIPSECLAW
Just memories of the past.

This was where reality clashed with expectations. Eclipseclaw's expectations were very different from what had just occurred. Inside she had expected him to nuzzle her softly, whisper gently, tell her the things she always wanted to hear. But in reality he stood aghast, his voice quavered and shook as if he were trying any way possible to see if he had misinterpreted what she had said. But he hadn't, those words sputtered and clashed from the heart. Now her heart was wrenching painfully beneath her chest, closing her eyes tight she whined quietly,
"Lightning I didn't want this to happen!" Eyes wet with tears she blinked rapidly, "Do you think I could stop myself? I've always padded upon the wrong path." Her voice grew louder and louder with each word. And she too was shaking.

"If I could just forget about you, it'd just be too easy! Life isn't easy! I learned that just as everyone else!" her whines became screeches, tears uncontrollably rolled down her cheeks. "This was a mistake to tell you, I should have let it died, right then and there." If her starclan-forsaken body hadn't ached so much she would've pelted from the den, escaped his intoxicating stench and raced blindly out onto the moor. But once again, expectations collided ungratefully against reality. And reality had it that she was in too much pain, emotionally and physically.

The crying, withered away into choking sobs and quiet sniffles. When the tears couldn't fall anymore, Eclipseclaw finally spoke once more. Her voice was cracked and hoarse, but she still managed to speak.
"But some part of me, always wanted to know what would happen if I told him."

Thoughts were at war in Lightning's head. Words he had spoken so long along where trying to escape the prison of his mouth. But he couldn't do it. He was sure Eclipseclaw would be able to recover, but he wasn't so sure he would. Her words were thorns in his heart, claws through his neck. The tom just wanted to disappear, to close his eyes to her pain. But he couldn't; he just couldn't. It hurt him so bad. He hated the Clans, he should hate her, not love her. But he did love her. He loved her with his entire life.

Before he knew it, Lightning was opening his mouth. Quietly he murmured "Eclipseclaw, please, don't be that way..." he took in a shaky breath before continuing. "I-I do love you. More than I thought I did. But we can't be together. I don't belong with the Clans, and I don't want to see you leave them just for some stupid tom like me..."

His thoughts trailed to the last day he had seen Angel alive. He wished with all his might he had let go and brought her back to her Twoleg home. But he was proud and couldn't let go of his pride possession. "You remember when we first met, Eclipseclaw? How you figured out what I had done. I don't want it to happen again, especially not to you. Just rest and then I'll take you back to your Clan."

ECLIPSECLAW
Just memories of the past.

His words fell upon empty words. She had made her decision. Perhaps with this choice she can tread the right path in life. This was only her first love, right? And first loves never end happily anyway. She was much too naive. She would choose her clan or this silly love, it wasn't meant to be. Squeezing her eyes tight she let out a low growl,
"I can go on my own, this was stupid of me." She had to act tough, she couldn't cry anymore, she had to make him hate her. This way they won't ever cross paths again.

With a snarl she scrambled to her paws, her muscles ached more than she intended but such a small issue wouldn't stop her. Barging past him she made a bee-line to the exit of his den. Stopping she trembled, "I don't ever want to see you again." she snarled. Eyes cold she turned her face towards his,

"And next time we'll meet I'll follow the code, and kill you." These words hurt her more than anything else. Holding back the wails and screams she bolted from his den. The wind whipped at her face, eyes streaming with tears she struggled through the snow. With a defeated cry she stumbled to the ground, her body ached so bad, everything was slowly going fuzzy. All of these memories tumbled loosely around her head, and in the end the last thought to cross her mind was Lightning. Everything went black.

HAZELSTAR
I've been broken more than once.

Hazelstar padded towards the defeated scrap of fur with sigh. "Eclipseclaw, what did you get yourself into." she muttered. Grasping the warrior's scruff she started dragging her towards camp. Fortunately for Eclipseclaw, Hazelstar had issued search parties, it was quite fortunate that Hazelstar was the one who found her.

It was also quite fortunate that Hazelstar wouldn't tell a soul, for she knew what the she-cat had been up to. Something inside told her that she should be punished. But as she gazed down at her tear stained cheeks, she knew that Eclipseclaw was already tortured enough. Dragging her through the camp's entrance she placed Eclipseclaw in her nest. She wouldn't need medical attention, the she-cat just needed rest.

"Don't make the same mistakes I did." Hazelstar whispered quietly, and then she left.

Lightning wanted to run after her so bad. To say he was so, so, sorry and beg her to forgive him for hurting her like that. But the knowledge of what he had done before with Angel held him back. His whole world was falling, there was nothing there that was holding him up. He didn't care that she would kill him, as long as it was her that he last saw.

With his heart ripped back out of his chest, he wondered if he would ever do anything right. He wondered if he should go after the cat he loved. If life would ever be simple again...Lightning knew it wouldn't. And at that he broke down in tears...

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