Gonna let it Burn [open!]

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Owlstar ducked his head in embarrassment. Was it really that obvious? Was he really that transparent? The tom drew in a deep, shaky breath. He missed her. He really did. Rainflight was always there for him, she trusted him - and he broke that trust. He chose his clan over her and that was his biggest mistake. The tabby raised his eyes, daring to meet the medicine cat's gaze. Her words hung heavy in the air. "You're right..." He meowed quietly. The tabby's eyes burned, not only did he lose his mate, but he was losing his clan as well. The tom shifted his paws uneasily, "Do they still..." Owlstar felt a groan leave his throat. It was disgusting. He shouldn't be acting so weak, but Frostbite's stare made him feel childish. He felt like a kit scolded by its mother. The tom dug his claws into the earth, "Do they still respect me?" His eyes hardened. It was a serious question. He left everything for his clan. He lost friends, he even lost his mate. If his warriors couldn't even respect him as their leader - as their clan-mate? Then what did he have left? The tom glanced away - Blizzardshard? Owlstar squinted, drawing the image closer. The silver silhouette of his deputy focused into view. The tom smiled slightly. If everyone else hated him, well - at least he had Blizzardshard. The tom beckoned the warrior closer, "Did the dawn patrol already leave?" The tom meowed casually - immediately he regretted his words the moment he said them. It was already well past dawn, in fact the morning patrol should have just left. He was a mess. [bg=816961]

Frostbite watched as the leader lowered his head and it just honestly made her more mad. He was a leader why was he not acting like it. His eyes then soon met her with a strong serious question if they still respected him. About to lash out again she turned to see where her leader looked at it was not only the deputy who looked as if he was hanging off every word of their conversation. Frostbite rolled her eyes when the deputy came over and the two cats started talking business about the patrols and if they left or what not. Ignoring the two toms talking about what wasn't her place to listen she waited for the two to stop and for frostbite to give her second opinion. ''I'm not your clan asking me if they still respect will not give you an answer. Look at them and see if they do. Actions will always speak louder then words Owlstar. I sure know as anything your clan wont respect you if you keep this attitude of a sorry kit with his tail between his legs going. And it wont just be your clan who wont respect you its all the others, they see your weakness they will strike at any chance they get. One word gets out to another clan cat about you not putting your head in your duties to the clan an attack might happen for who knows what reason. Pull yourself together and act like the leader you are. None of this sorry me pitty mousedung stuff. It's hurting your reputation.''

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And just like that his pretense shattered. Owlstar felt Blizzardshard's words hit him like a blow to the face, "Do you want to hit him, or shall I?", the tom visibly flinched, his eyes widened in shock - was he serious? The tabby let his gaze fall to the floor, Frostbite's words hung heavy in the air, each line pressing into his skin. But he wasn't listening. All he could see was her. Rainflight's body was pressed into the back of his mind - every time he closed his eyes she was the only one he could see. Why couldn't they see that? Rainflight wasn't just some one night stand or a petty crush - he was in love with her. Owlstar clenched his jaw, his claws digging into the earth, "Starclan, I'm such an idiot." He glanced up, his eyes were searching, trying to find something to hold onto. He found Blizzardshard's concerned stare, "I'm not going to lose her Blizzardshard, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me." But she wanted nothing to do with him. He's tried to catch her eyes, pass her a smile, maybe even a word, but each time he's met with cold indifference. Did he really hurt her that bad? Couldn't she see that he was hurting as well. The tom felt his shoulders shake, he had to remain strong - he couldn't break down here, not in front of them. "What about us Owlstar? I'm sure as anything not going to be leading this clan-" Owlstar opened his mouth almost mockingly, a catch in his breath, "I'm not going anywhere Frostbite..." The words were hollow, weak. "If I have anything left it's this clan, and I can't be dumb enough to mess that up too." A small, self-loathing chuckle left his lips. Owlstar shook his head, "Do you two even understand?" He didn't want to drag them into this but it was already too late. "I wanted to be here, be the leader of Thunderclan for as long as I could remember." The tom fixed his deputy and medicine cat a hard stare, "I remember watching Swiftstar up on high-rock and I felt something stir inside for the first time. I felt like I had a purpose." And then he met her, a small, gangly kit with two many words and bright blue eyes. A small, sad smile broke his demeanor, "She- she changed that." "For the first time in my life I wanted something different. I wanted to have kits, go on stupid walks, talk for hours for no reason, grow old - I didn't care as long as I was with her." And then this happened. Riverstar gave him what he wanted - she promoted him to deputy, and with her death he became leader. He had everything he'd ever wanted but he wasn't happy, he didn't want this if he couldn't have her. The tom lifted his chin, "I need her." [bg=816961]

Everything was blocked out. Frostbite really didn't care for much of this at all anymore. This medicine cat would rather eat deathberries then hear these two toms talk about.. the L word. Just sitting there and listening to them talk about how they were going to get her back and what he did before and his story of Swiftstar and Riverstar it just bored her. It's not that she didn't want her leader to be happy.. he just seemed it no matter what.. but now he was just trying to hard. It made her sick. Rolling her eyes she really had better things to do but apparently she was still in this conversation according to the deputy and leader. Should she even say something now? It seemed the deputy actually knew more then the medicine cat.. honestly he did. She would see Owlstar and Rainflight together here and there but really those two cats were really none of her business. She had other things to do like collect herbs and wish to stab apprentices in the eye after she pulled a thorn out of their pads and many more wishes she would she could have come true. Frostbite has happiness trust me.. just something really she didn't care for and this was defiantly one of them. Frostbite just glanced from the deputy and leader here and there and Frostbite just thought about what she had to do today. ''Owlstar when was the last time you checked on your daughter in the nursery. Her mother I'm sure has been there for her a lot more then you have. How about if you want to try and get rainshiver back or whoever show her you still care not just about her but your daughter as well... she is still part of your family..whatever that is anymore. You two still share one thing. And that's dappledkit. Still have a right to see her and play with her. She will be an apprentice soon you know. What would it hurt to show her a few hunting moves and taking her on walks in the territory. If you knew anything about getting her back to you, you wouldn't force it but let it happen naturally. ''